Keep your friends close they say, but your Enemies closer.
Lucky me.
Mine Enemy is close. Very very close.
Like, Mine Enemy is 'right up in my face'-kinda close and has been for years.
And yet it seems, familiarity has definitely bred contempt.
Even from the earliest days our relationship has been troubled:
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| Would you just LOOK at that thing? |
Granted, the actions of a 3rd Party have certainly not make our journey any easier.
Yeah, I'm looking at you, Mama of Roo. The evidence really only points in one direction.
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| Straight is for losers. |
Yup, throughout the '80s & '90s, it was just Me & the Madonna Perm, The Rachel and The Natalie Imbruglia*.
We never spoke of Her.
* Yes, I know (now) that having their haircut DOESN'T make you actually look like them, but they were 2 very stupid decades
I don't, to this day, know what She told others about me.
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But look! Things are clearly working out for Winkleman & Hers.
OK, we are different creatures, Winkleman & I.
Hers looks a jolly, amenable, shiny happy thing
And she will have 'people' to handle it.
I don't got people but I DO got High Irritability Levels and a Short Attention Span when it comes to negotiating with terrorists.
Further, I am ill-inclined to kowtow to that effing thing & its unknown bloody demands.
WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM ME!?!
I have cajoled, I have negotiated & when rudely ignored, I have tried to force submission.
THAT did not go well. I don't know why I thought it might.
Are these things really SO needy? Why so high maintenance?
Why so bitchy?
How can it APPEAR to agree to 3 fairly simple requests (hang straight, stay there! and ideally, don't poke me in the eye) and allow me to leave my house thinking Today Is the Day.
Before spectacularly scrumpling & skewing itself into some flimsy cow-licky monstrosity.
Such a bitch.
Just cover up the wrinkles, you cow.
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| Yup, another one. |
