House at Pooh Corner

House at Pooh Corner
inspired by:

Tuesday, 22 January 2019

Battles at The Fringe

Keep your friends close they say, but your Enemies closer.

Lucky me. 
Mine Enemy is close.  Very very close.
Like, Mine Enemy is 'right up in my face'-kinda close and has been for years.

And yet it seems, familiarity has definitely bred contempt.
Even from the earliest days our relationship has been troubled:
Would you just LOOK at that thing?

Granted, the actions of a 3rd Party have certainly not make our journey any easier.
Yeah, I'm looking at you, Mama of Roo. The evidence really only points in one direction.

Straight is for losers.
And so, we agreed to go our separate ways.

Yup, throughout the '80s & '90s, it was just Me & the Madonna Perm, The Rachel and The Natalie Imbruglia*.
We never spoke of Her.

* Yes, I know (now) that having their haircut DOESN'T make you actually look like them, but they were 2 very stupid decades

I don't, to this day, know what She told others about me.


But look! Things are clearly working out for Winkleman & Hers.

OK, we are different creatures, Winkleman & I.
Hers looks a jolly, amenable, shiny happy thing
And she will have 'people' to handle it. 

I don't got people but I DO got High Irritability Levels and a Short Attention Span when it comes to negotiating with terrorists.
Further, I am ill-inclined to kowtow to that effing thing & its unknown bloody demands.


Between You, Me & The Proverbial, I need Her more than She needs me these days.  Trouble is, She knows it.
I have cajoled, I have negotiated & when rudely ignored, I have tried to force submission.
THAT did not go well. I don't know why I thought it might.

Are these things really SO needy? Why so high maintenance?
Why so bitchy?
How can it APPEAR to agree to 3 fairly simple requests (hang straight, stay there! and ideally, don't poke me in the eye) and allow me to leave my house thinking Today Is the Day.

Before spectacularly scrumpling & skewing itself into some flimsy cow-licky monstrosity.
Such a bitch.

Just cover up the wrinkles, you cow.

Yup, another one.

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Chipology - for the love of a good Chip

These are Chips:

Also: Pomme Frites or, French Fries

And these are Crisps:

Both are good.

But today, we are talking about Chips.

Over dinner, myself and some friends spent the best part of an hour discussing, ruminating and debating over the best kind of Chip.
If the length and volume of our conversation is any measure, it is apparent that many of us feel quite passionate about our Chips.
Actually, if I cast my mind back, I don't think I have ever met anyone that said,
"No thanks, I'm just not that keen on chips."

Now, where we DO seem to differ is what we consider to be
a) The Perfect Chip.
AND .....
b) Our Methodology to attain the Perfect Chip.

The Perfect Chip

The Chip-Loving World seems divided on this.
Some fall in the Golden and Crisy camp.
You know the ones. 
The ones that maintain their perfect form as they travel from wrapper/plate to mouth.

Their firmness allows for ease of dipping into your sauce of choice: 

You do not need to take in to account the Droop Factor to avoid getting red, brown or curry sauce on your knuckles.
There is an audible crunch as you bite through the crispy outer and discover the fluffy, steam-emitting carby interior.

CARE: they register high on the 'burn the roof of mouth' risk 

Others, the Pale & Soggy camp.

If you detect some bias, you would be right. I love a pale and soggy chip.
But, standby, Antacids...

Droopy. Greasy.
The advantage with this chip is that when you shake the salt on, it doesn't ricochet off on to the table.
There is high Droop Factor with this chip.
You must dangle to dip (Copyright : Roo) but, what happens next is a matter of personal preference.

I recommend the technique known as the Baby Bird. Tip head back, drop chip in.  It is un-ladylike but it will minimise greasy fingers and getting sauce all over yourself, including your chin (also un-ladylike).

Comfort Food Quotient is exceptionally high with the Pale & Soggy.
It is like a curling up on the sofa, with a duvet, with BBC's Pride & Prejudice on the box.
For the duration, all is well with the world.

Also, you feel a little Edgy. A little Dangerous. A little Screw You, World.
Eating chips.
You know it is bad but, like all Bad Things it is soooooooooo good.

The Methodology


Can we have a show of hands?
Who thinks the best way to eat a chip is straight from the paper? (Bonus Point: a seagull stalking you)

Yes, I thought so.

Potential Area of Difficulty:
Sometimes, you cannot eat them straightaway.
Sometimes  you have to drive, or walk, them home.
Sometimes, you need to carry them to where everyone else is sitting on, let's say, the beach.
And remember, there's that seagull.

What do you do?

Wrap them up tight, in a plastic bag?
or do you ......
...... tear a hole in the paper to let the steam out to avoid Steam-induced Sogginess, which is the evil step-sibling of Yummy Greasy Sogginess.


A further opportunity for heated debate.

Convention might suggest, Salt THEN vinegar.

In our household, we have gone with Vinegar, then Salt.

Helps the sticking, see?

In Conclusion
I never met a chip I didn't like.
Clearly, there are some that I like better than others.

Some may scoff at my Enthusiasm for the Humble Chip.
But I am willing to bet, that if presented with a bowl, plate or bag of chips - most of you will scan, select and eat individual chips in order of preference.
According to your own unique set of criteria.

Have a look again.
If that was your bag of chips, you would pick which you would eat first.
Admit it.

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Laugh with me. Cry with me.

"The achievement of bringing someone to tears, is infinitely greater than the achievement of bringing them to laughter"

"We laugh all the time. And easily"

(Malcolm Gladwell, Canadian journalist, bestselling author, and speaker.[1] He has been a staff writer for The New Yorker since 1996)

Lucky me, I also cry easily.

But I cry easily at stupid stuff.  
Like over sad animal stories. Oh, and at the happy ones too.
Like at the big reveal of those gardening make-over programmes.  
Like National Anthems (everyone's. All of them). 
Like whenever anyone wins anything, or loses.
You can imagine I am a puffy-eyed wreck during the Olympics.

Mr Gladwell is right.  We do seem to laugh all the time.  Although I propose that not all Laughs are equal.

Neither are the Cries.

The Laughs

The most common is the 
Joining In or, I am One of You laughs.
The one you do when you don't really know what you are laughing AT but it feels more comfortable to laugh than not.
It is a shallow laugh.
It is a social nicety laugh.

In that it is a Getting Along laugh, it is a superficial but positive heh-heh-heh.

I am ok with that.

There is the OMG! I can't believe you just said that laugh.
This is accompanied by hands covering eyes or mouth, a *gasp* and some furtive looking around.
You love it, but you hate it.
You are also glad that whatever was just said, was said by someone else.
See, the technicality that YOU were not the purveyor of whatever-was-said, protects you.
You can laugh at this, and not be a complete bitch.

The rarest, most elusive and, most healing laugh is the Belly Laugh.

Now, this one is the one that will clear your soul.

Your entire body and mind surrender to this laugh.  

It purges and drives tension away - that's why often you feel quite weak after a good ol' Belly Laugh.

What makes this special is that only very special people can make you Belly Laugh.

If you have some of those people in your Life, you are blessed.  They are as essential to well-being as a good internet connection and a freezer full of chocolate biscuits.


As I have mentioned, I do cry fairly easily.
As someone who completed a Pet Bereavement Counselling course in the hope of being able to help clients, I am a big fat #fail.
You see, I am unconvinced that crying along with Crying Clients helps much.

That aside, yes, I well up fairly easily and fairly regularly.
Stuff moves me.
Eyes get watery.
Empathy = welling up

But, what is, thankfully, rare is the Full Sob of Sadness.
These are reserved for those extra-close, extra-special people or real-life sad or bad situations.

It doesn't happen much, I am happy to report.  But I am glad that it does.
It means that I have extra-close, extra-special people in my Life.

And, it occurs to me, as I write, that they are often the same people that Bring on The Belly Laugh.

Friday, 15 August 2014

Look up and love the Clouds

Of Magpies & friendly grass.
Of newspapers, magazines and radio.
Clouds and blue skies.
Wish I could wriggle my toes in all.

Last year it was the trees.
This year, whilst Trees maintained their Significant Significance status, out of nowhere, Grass stepped it up.

Perhaps Grass got wind of Trees' 2013 rave reviews.

Whatever its drive, clearly Grass has a competitive streak.  Its work, this Summer was impressive.

How had I in previous years, failed to acknowledge the deep joy of walking of soft, squeaky (the absence of dust and sand helps) juicy green grass?

The grass where I live is harsh, spiky, pokey, stabby stuff.
And, within it, live ants.
Bad ants.
Walk on this stuff you will find no joy.
Only risk.

The Bad Ants will give you the kind of bite that makes your dog suddenly drop and chew madly at its foot.
When, and it is 'when', not if, it happens, first it will hurt.
And then, it will swell.

If I could chew my foot, I think I almost certainly would.

So, I wriggle my toes, free from threat, in that lovely juicy squeaky clean grass whenever I can.

Also, I shall salute Magpies.

Can't help it. Always have.
I do it without thinking.

See a Magpie. Salute.

In fact, I salute groups of Magpies, which I know isn't, strictly, necessary, but, so far so good, I ain't risking it now.

As well as the United Kingdom's Grass and her black & white birds, I also fell under the spell of her Clouds this Summer.

My FB page is awash with photos of Seagulls (I am partial to a seagull too. Since Roo Time began, without a seagull fix, I haven't had me a British Summer Holiday) ...........................and Clouds.
We just don't get Clouds like it. And I couldn't take my eyes off their cumulonimby glory. (Cloud types)


And so, we return to our sandy Home-for-Now.
We have those Happy/Sad feelings that all who have chosen our kind of life have when it comes time to say Goodbye & head home*.

(NOTE the lowercase 'h') See also Being Home

We have much to look forward to but, do me a favour ........
If you live in the UK, or anywhere that has good clouds, be thankful for them.
Look up and love your Clouds.

Sunday, 10 August 2014

A Fix - of calm, quiet Booky Coffeeness

Scattered around the world are Happy Places.
My Happy Places.

Some, but not all, are bookshops.
My Favourite Bookshop, just FYI, is Waterstones on Piccadilly, but I am blessed to have a 2nd AND a 3rd favourite.

I wish I could say that one of them was an Indie but sadly, no.
If I had regular (read: any) access to an Independent Bookshop though, I have no doubt it would be a contender.

All this aside, yesterday, I got to spend time with #2.

Waterstones (coincidence?), Swansea.

A hidey-hole of calm, quiet and considered bookyness.  It doesn't feel like a place where the primary concern is the rather vulgar financial transaction of selling paper, with words on it.

Here, I sense their desire to share books & to share their treasure box of enjoyment for them.

When you walk in, you feel the diversity of riches, inviting you, welcoming you to immerse yourself.
Here, you will be entertained, educated, amused, informed & enriched.
All you have to do it take your time, and make the leap.

It helps that it is also, beautiful.  The Art Nouveau frontage, the grand sweeping staircase (of this former Carlton Cinema) as you enter is a thing of beaty and, irresistibily, it draws up UP.

UP is where the most delicious coffee is.

UP is where in spite of all muttered good intentions as you ascend those pretty twisty stairs, the first sighting of a homemade Lemon Cake or Victoria Sponge will leave you powerless to resist.
Anything you want, just give the cake.

It is up to you how you want to do this.
For myself, the Optimum Book-Shopping Experience goe thus.
First, we are talking about an ACTUAL physical thing. That's why I am here, and not buying books sitting on the loo, hoping the Wifi stretches this far, with a Kindle. (no disrespect Kindle, but I am sure alot of your transactions happen there.)

Browse the shelves.
Pick up books.
Feel them.
Smell them.
Examine cover.
Red the back
Open, check font, paper and spine.
(Note: A book may be rejected & replaces, at any point, during the above sequence).

There is one final test I carry out before I decide if it is a Yay or a Nay, but it is a secret.
Not secret because it is terribly clever and high-brow, secret 'cos you will think I am ridiculous if I told you.

Once selection(s) is (are) made ........ THEN coffee.

Never coffee first.

Peruse Selections in an increasing caffeinated, cake-fuelled high.
(Note: this part of The Process is academic.  You will be buying all of them.  We know this.)

Gaze out of that beautiful bay window, if you are lucky enough to have scored yourself a seat there.  Look past the anti-pigeon net, feel like an Elizabethan m'lady locked up in an evil Uncle's beautiful house watching the Cheerful & The Free below go about their lives. #princesscomplex?

IN fact, what I can see from my vantage point within this cocoon of dignified, latte-rich serenity are a series of mobile phone repair/unlocking shops, e-ci vendors, bookies (that is book-IES, places not generally know for their excellent espressos, or books) & H. Street Jewellers.

Withdraw back into this other world, just for a little while longer.

Finish your FlatWhite/Cappu/Whatever, it is time now, Sweetheart.
Time to re-enter the world of parking attendants, mega-super-uber stores & pasties shops.

For me, it will be a while till I can get myself back here.  Such trips are always bittersweet.

But, fortified by these few hours, I shall float along buoyed up by today's purchase until I can get me to another of my Happy Booky Happy Places.

Wherever in the world it may be.

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Free The Bellies

All this sunshine in the UK will not be without its consequences.

All ye Climate Change Nay Sayers, you need only look around your nearest Tesco's hypermarket, as the mercury starts to creep up and UV levels head past 'Burnt to a Purple Blistered Mess' & towards 'Irreparable Damage' to see that something is about to happen.

And that Something isn't going to be good.
And, it isn't going to be pretty.

'IT' is the sudden, & widespread, divesting of a Nation's clothes.

The Summer Wardrobe can be a wonderful thing. Words like 'wafty', light-coloured, natural fibres, cotton, floaty, cool - these are Summer clothes keywords.

Trust me. Everyone is excited to break out the flipflops.

When I lived in the UK, I had whole host of vests, shorts, sandals and flipflops all just waiting to leap into action when given the nod.
As I recall, they were a patient lot.
They needed to be.
There was a long wait between gigs.  

Sometimes, you make the mistake of bringing them in off the bench too soon, and pay the price in goosebumps.  Hunched up and cranky at how chilly you are, you fantasise about getting home and into those ancient, but best, trackies and slipper socks.  

Sweetie, we have all been there.
About 24degC, that's when you can go Strappy Vest, but still, bring a Cardie, would you?  

Now, as Life can be perverse like that, my Dubai Friends will confirm, we must endure the exact polar (pun intended) opposite of this Seasonal Wardrobe trial.  

Many a cousin of the Vests, the big brothers of Shorts & the Great Uncles and Aunts of Flipflops lurk within the dark, dehumidified recesses of a DXB Expat's wardrobe.

Lurking, waiting.
Quietly chatting amongst themselves.
Perhaps reminiscing of the last time they were all together. An Autumnal trip to the UK. A European city break maybe.  

Yup, we the Expats of Dubai (of my circle anyway) long for the Days of Jeans, Boots and Jumpers.
*gasp* dare I say it?
Gloves, hats & scarves!
(I did it. I dared)  

When living in the UK, the sign that everything might be ok & Winter might actually Bugger off for a bit, were daffodils. One's soul would soar at the sight of their jolly, sunshiny yellow heads.
Spot them and you know you are in the home-stretch.  

For me now, living in Dubai, bored of all that damn blue sky, heat and sunshine, I watch for A Sign too.

That is The Sign.  

As soon as we get to that, BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, the Boots are on. (Granted, I hold back on the Hats & Scarves a while longer).  

Anyway, back to that 'Something' happening in Tesco's, & all around the UK.  

Shirts are off.
Everywhere, they are off.

I think I shall go to a shop. Put my shirt on? 
WHAT?? Are you saying not everyone wants to see the EXACT proportions & vastness of this beer gut? 
That can't be right, I have put alot of time and energy into this. 
If someone should be intimidated and feel the need to move out my way when The Mountain of Beer & Belly should rest against them at, say the Checkout or in front of the Magazines, so much the better.  

So, what I have learnt is this, in the UK, for some people, when the sun shines, shirts are seemingly optional in all manner of public places. Ditto underwear.  

Not to be a fashion fascist but, to my mind if you are going to venture into VestVille, a bra or some alternative support device is a good thing.  
The bra is your friend.
Honey, those things will end up down there soon enough, thanks the Cruel Japes of Time, give the Girls a break and let them have a rest in a hammock, not the trolley handle.  

Also, FYI, I am fairly certain that 'dangling by your elbows' is NOT where a Bra Strap should be optimumly and most usefully located. 
From there, they will find themselves unable to fulfil their raison d'etre.  

Of course, I spend pretty much 10.5 months of a year living in a place where modesty is of significance importance.
Some might say too much. Some might say to its credit.

In honesty, despite my glib observations, I find the diversities of people, people largely just getting on with their lives in the UK, NOT actually worrying about what other people think or judge, hugely refreshing.  

No one gives a toss here what the hell you do or look like & that is a breath of fresh air.

Dubai can be a bit homogenous in some respects.  

So, despite what I have said above .......set those Bellies free & let your taa-taas swing loose and long, if you want to ...........but maybe not at the supermarket?

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Daydreaming, of a Holiday before it Happens

Nothing like ramping up the ol' pre-holiday fever, whilst driving along in, close to, 50degC temperatures, staring out at sand, sand, dust & sun.

In this final run-up to our trip, I have been daydreaming about all the things I am looking forward to during our upcoming trip.

It feels like it adds days to our holiday, which is a jolly thing.

I have distilled them down thus:

NOT being in 50degC temperatures & being away from the sand, dust & sun
Just for a bit.
And what is going on with the kabillion% humidity these last few days??!

NOT having to steer with just the tips of my fingers. 
Tough call this, hands welded to a burny, roasting-tin-hot steering wheel OR everyone in here dying in a fiery ball of flames.

oh, the Trees.
To save me repeating myself, you can see last year's Hug a What Now? post.
"Gorgeous, lush green big OLD trees.  Juicy, rich trees. Rounded, friendly leaves, not spiky, resentful & tense with the effort of staying alive"

 Suffice to say, brace yourselves, Trees.

The chance of some Welly action
Again, things won't have changed since last year's Her Soul Yearns for a Welly
Seriously, Glorious Sunshine can get stuffed, I need me some rain.

Being with Family. The family that have known me since I began. The family with whom the British half of me shares real history.
Family that have stories that I keep meaning to write down so they don't get lost.
Family that I have known since THEY were born.
Family that I sadly, only ever see on these trips, but who are no less important to me because of it.
Nothing lifts the spirits
like crossing the bridge and
finally spotting this sign
(& now, cue panic-scrabbling for the toll fare)

Yes, Wales.
Wales feels like home in the UK now.
Wales = Family too.
Wales is very special to our family.
Love Wales.

The bread. The chips. The crisps. The bacon, cheese and mushroom pastries.  Basically, the carbs of Britain.

Even if they flummox me with their ever-changing technology - Self-Service Counters this is the year you will not intimidate me.
Rows and rows of alcohol. Just sitting there. Waiting for me to purchase, no limits, no judgement.

The Colours
The Greens.  The Yellows. The Blues. And, yes, the Grey.

The Driving
So orderly. So well-mannered. Trust me, relatively speaking it IS Orderly & well-mannered.
See you on the M4, Purple-faced Man

The Radio
ahhhhhhhhhhhh, hello again BBC Radio 4 & 5Live. And all you others.
Live, and in context.

The Bookshops
I can and will spend a fortune in bookshops.
Books bring me the Happy. 
And, the anxiety of overweight suitcases.


The Coming Back To Your Own Home again
Love that. However, obviously, it is always tinged with some sadness.
But it is a marvellous thing nevertheless.
All your own stuff, your pets, your car, catching up with the Here Friends - that is all worth looking forward to too.

Don't love it. Never loved it. Best not dwell on it.
Packing sucks. There is nothing more to be said on this.
Petrol prices
Boring Dubai expat moan but ...... OUCH. Best not dwell on it.
The Indigestion
(see above, Food) No matter, a fistful of Rennies and I am good to go again.
Those Extra Kilos
Thanks for nothing, British Carbs and my greatest love/foe of all ..... Fish & Chips.
Running out of time 
And not getting to see all the people that I would like to.
Feeling bad that we cannot travel the length & breadth of the country
A common complaint for many of us, I know.
It boils down to this - Try to do it all, ruin what is supposed to be a holiday.
The Leaving Bit
Without a doubt, the very worst bit.
but also (see above, The Coming Back to Your Own Home again)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...