The Story of Rose - One of Us now

Connections are important to people.

We are a social primate and connections are important to us.  Actually, oftentimes they are the difference between Life and Death.

(Oh I say, things have taken an uncharacteristically dramatic & serious tone for a change) 

So, when another Sentient Being enters my little World, I believe He/She/It has come to me for a reason.

In truth, it isn't (can't) always be positive so let's not get overly gushy or all Rainbow & Fairies about this.

Incidentally, if it isn't a positive experience I learn what I need to & ditch it (or keep it at arm's length) - I will learn from it but I ain't letting it mess with my mojo.

This is a system that includes inter-species connections.  When One gets 'in', I commit to it.

Except Flies, still gonna punch a fly if it sits on me more than twice.

You get 2 sits, Fly, then *POW*!

Flies notwithstanding, this is why I simply do not understand when people get pets and yet, clearly never really commit to them.

...... It gets worse.

How do you walk away from an living being, that has been in your house, has sat with you, trusted you enough to snuggle up to you?

I mean, essentially fly-tipping something with a beating heart, that feels hunger, pain, fear ...... and love.

Gotta tell you, I think there is a special place in H-E- (double hockey-sticks) for those people.

************************

We were not recruiting.
HR (& the not so 'H' part of the Team) were happy with the status quo.  The balance of faces, feet, tails were at a happy equilibrium.

And then, I had to go and respond to a request for help on the Bin Kitty Collective FB page, didn't I?

Just for a few days I assured Trousers.  Promise.

The thing has been just dumped.

We have a spare room.

We have to help.

It'll be fine.

4 weeks later, She is still here.

There was strong, and understandable, resistance from the Largest Member of the Household.
Someone had to, just for show at least, be the Sensible Measured One.

But, the truth is, there were forces at work here bigger than all of us.

Firstly, it is clear, She chose Us.  

The connection she made with the Smallest Biped of the House was astonishing.  

He came with me, when we went to rescue Her, & all the way home had His hand on Her carrier chatting away, giving Her the heads up on other creatures of the House She was going to meet.

What they liked. "Ollie likes to shout"
What they did.  "Bea likes to sleep"
"Don't worry, you have a family now."

"Errrrrrrr, sweetheart, She isn't staying. We will find Her her own family, ok?"

"Yup" (He knew, even then, didn't He?)

  Secondly, the rest of the Crew gave Her the thumbs-up too.

CREW MEMBER #1
The 70kg Dog after 2 days of
"Want to look. Want to look. 

*shaking with effort of restraint* 

REALLY want to look. Mustn't chase. 

*OUCH!* 

She hit me! Didn't anyone else see Her just hit me?!?!"

CREW MEMBER #2

The stripy Sighthound.
Supposedly with an un-override-able genetic disposition to Seek, Chase & Destroy all that is small and furry (but who has lived for past 10 years with 3 cats and a parrot) ..... was:


"And who is this?"

*OUCH!* 

"She hit me!
Meh.  Over it"

CREW MEMBER #3

Incy-wincy cat.
Looks like a Pixie.

Super-relaxed. Snuggles in the winter, sunbathes in the Summer - that's his thing.
Unleashes the 7 Levels of HELL and turns to a Teeny-Weeny Hell Creature of Fury and Violence when another cat comes in the garden.

"OK, so here's my plan:
1) I will glare at her 24/7 through the window for 7 days. Yup, sideways ears, small, serious eyes, the whole thing.
2) then, I will make scary sounds at her for the 1st 30 minutes of when we actually meet.

and then, 

3) I shall go and sunbathe."

And here is the Most Important Bit of All: 
* In our house, we talk alot about how families are made with a special kind of magic.

* That there are lots of different ways that Families are made.  And all Families are different.

* But all made with the same magic.

We believe, heck, we are PROOF, that those that are meant to be a Family, will always find each other.

So, here She is.
She is one of Us now.

They Aren't Ours to Keep

Right, you are either going to be one of Them That Get It or, Them That Don't.

I think of all my posts, this will be the one that will either speak to your heart OR,
have you scratching your head thinking "what is WRONG with these people?".

That's ok.  You Head-Scratchers can toddle off for a sec - but, do come back later, normal service will resume soon enough.

**************************************************************************

OK, so now we are alone ..... let's talk.

Let's talk about saying goodbye to our non-human friends or family members.

Unsurprisingly (given my childhood ie Wherever I Am ...&, not really coincidentally, subsequent life-style choice ie Write About Your Passion ), I have had much experience (sadly) in loss of this nature - starting from childhood, right the way up to last year.

My Folks get it
And they gave it to me.

2012.  The hideous year in which we lost 4 family members (3 dogs - old age, congenital health issues and ghastly accident & 1 cat - suspected shot, by someone I hex, daily).

I have said in the past that I believe very strongly in giving children the opportunity to grow and live with pets (doesn't matter what species).

This is Ollie.
He gets read to.
He pretends he is interested.
He seldom is.
He is a polite dog.

There are a myriad of joys, blessings and lessons that children can get from having a pet.

Yes yes yes, the kids get all the benefits & the old folks get all the poo-clearing & the bills.

Deal with it.  You the grown-ups. 

Gloria.
Our Gloria.
Only knew life in a cage.
Spent last 5 months of her life with us.
Left us, finally knowing
the deep joy of sofas & cuddles

Thiiiiiiiink of the liiiiiiiiittle chil'ren.



One of the least obvious, but VERY valuable, is the opportunity to address death & loss, in a safe way.
Hopefully, before they have to encounter it within the Human Family or Friend sphere.

 Things live.  We love them.  They love us. Inevitably, though, sad times come.  Doesn't diminish the good times.  In some ways it makes them more special.

These were tough things to explain to the Household 6 year Boy.  But, we did.

He was (& still is, at times) sad but he knows what happened.

***

Through my degree (Education & Biology) and then, subsequent research on helping adults (& children) with Pet Bereavement, I learnt a number of important things.

The most important, I think, is to use the words.  YOU gotta be brave.  No one digs using the 'D' word but, this is an opportunity to help your kid, so time to man up.

Say 'died'.  Not 'went to sleep' - potentially, trying to avoid 'the word' can give kids the fear of falling asleep, bed, having an injection themselves etc etc.

Enough.

Talking to Children about death of a pet - here, there's all sorts of stuff out there for you to have a look if you want to.

***

I don't want this whole thing to be about The Kids because when you are a Grown-Up, losing a pet (Species Irrelevant) hurts like HELL too.

There is no skirting around the issue.  No getting away from it.

It isn't simply the loss of the physical  presence of a much-loved furry/feathery/scaly buddy- sometimes we mourn too for the severing of the connection with a former life.

• Perhaps your cat predated your spouse.
• Perhaps your budgie was a pet that you shared with a room-mate that has now moved away.

Now that creature is no longer physically present, you feel your connection with a previous life is also finally ended.

*OUCH*

Sometimes, the loss of a pet reminds us as to what an emotional rock their presence in our lives has been.

• Maybe that dog joined your household as a pup in a different country, moved around the world with you been a constant in a life full of upheavals.
• Maybe your horse, acquired, finally, as an adult, returned you on a daily basis to that Pony-Mad Little Girl from *ahem* decades ago.
  (a phase that everyone, btw, reassured your parents you would grow out of!)

OR .....

It does not have to be anything like any of those things.

Perhaps you just really REALLY miss your friend.

Because a Friend is what these things are, to us, The Ones That Get It.

And, as much as it hurts when they leave us, I, for one, am so glad that I Got It.

And finally,

The Rainbow Bridge*

A long time ago I read something which I found very helpful.

A concept to meditate on (in between all the gulping sobs, snot-catching and eye-dabbing) which I, personally have found very calming.

(Note: I paraphase and have added my own take on it all)

Simply, these entities are not ours to keep.

They have their own journeys to follow, their own paths to follow.
As do we.

We are blessed to have been able to travel along together, for a while, but ultimately, our respective roads will branch.
This is true for all of us, regardless of hairiness, scaliness or number of legs.

They are not ours to keep.  That bit, in particular, feels right.

So, when the time comes, we must let them go & wish them well. 

*Bloody poem wrecks me.  You have been warned 

Perhaps you'd like to meet Us?

Thought you might like to have an idea as to who we are - what better than to provide a visual? (please stop watching so much Star Trek, Pants)

TaaaaaaDaaaaaaa, here we are......

 

 

To clarify, Daddy (Trousers) is not YouKnowWho.

(calm down, Conspiracy Theorists. THAT guy def did come to a sticky end with Eva Braun in that bunker. Or DID he?).

 

Hair depiction of the 3 humans fairly accurate - ranging from 'Long' to 'Some' to, well, 'No Hair'.

Also featured are most, but not all, of our animal family members.  He was keen to include them.  Even the dead ones.

 

Yeah, the dead ones.  Last year was a tough year, we lost 4 of our family last year.

*  STANLEY, Greyhound, old old old age.  He came with us from the UK to Dubai & had a wonderful 8 years here.

 

*  GLORIA, Great Dane. Sadly, she was only about 3 yrs old, max. She was really sick when she came to live with us & we knew we'd only have a few months but we were determined for her to have a real home & know nice things like grass & love & cuddles before she left this earth.

*  IVY (not pictured), cat, 4 years old , handreared by Me since 1 hr old.  Presumed killed, shot.  Can't talk about it really.  Will do sometime. Not now.

 

*  TONY, Pekinese (Peke), 4 yrs old. Accident, hit by a car when he escaped from the house.  Despite weighing no more than about 3 kgs (when wet), he was a shocking car-chaser.  He also Esteem Issues (as in EXTREMELY high estimation of himself & DID believe he was indestructible.  Sadly, he was wrong.)

 

Survivors:
PAT is the African Grey Parrot.

OLLIE, the brindle Lurcher
BLANCHE, Harlequin Great Dane
Chopsticks, a TOY rat.

Not appearing due to lack of space:
MING, the black Devon Rex (cat)
LEAH (DIAMONDS MISS SNIPPET), my horse

 

BTW, this is also Us.
The resemblance is uncanny, I feel

 



"Wherever I am there's always Pooh. There's always Pooh and Me ..." A.A.Milne

 Focus on the dog, people.

The dog on the sofa. Not the weirdo kid.*

That is Pooh.  (oh DO try not to snigger) You know, Pooh? As in Winnie The ....?

Well, that dog, (name inspired by the books about a toy bear, written in the late 1920's, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winnie-the-Pooh ) was a very special dog.

He was there, from Day 1 of Me.  Yep, from Day 1 of Me he never left my side (& vice versa ).

He, along with ALLLLLLLL the other dogs that entered my life as a child, (at one point we lived with, I think it was, 13 dogs - all rescues from HongKong SPCA, incidentally) started & then, signed, sealed & delivered the Love of The Dog (especially the Rescue Dog) into the very soul of Me.

I truly believe Childhood pets can be really pivotal.

He was mine.  It all started with him.



“So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
"What would I do?" I said to Pooh,
"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said to me: "True,
It isn't much fun for One, but Two
Can stick together," says Pooh, says he.
"That's how it is," says Pooh.”

― A.A. Milne, Now We Are Six

 

* Think that I should count myself lucky, having escaped any kind of lasting mental scarring from that outfit. It MAY have been the 70s but, come on!?