House at Pooh Corner

House at Pooh Corner
inspired by:

Monday, 17 February 2014

The Neknomination Equation

The Neknomination Equation is a convenient & oh, so simple, Societal, shall we say, 'Sorter'.

I am confident that the Results show significant statistical accuracy.

Doing a Neknomination = 
"ooooooo, look how crazy & dangerous I am" = Embarrassing Loser.

There's more.

If you are:

< 25 years old - *pssssssssssssst*
                          Sweetie, you look ridiculous.
                          No, really, Honey, you ARE being ridiculous.
                          All you are doing is showcasing Your Ridiculous

> 25 years old - *rolls eyes*
                          Have a word with yourself, would you?
                          Surely by now you have grown out the "look at me, everyone! I drink booze.
                          I must be sooooooooooo cool" part of your life.
                          Shame.  Most of us were done with that by about 18*

*adjust to 22 yrs old if you are a male of the species

Fact - There is a positive correlation between how loudly a Person declares how c-razy & 'fun' they are, with their embarrassing need to compensate for something.
(Note: we can all see it, y'know)

or, to simplify:

As (A) is to "Hey look at me, aren't I crazy?!"

so (B) is to  "It's all a bit pathetic, isn't it?"

Just to finish:

Hey, Pretty Girl, taking your clothes off in a supermarket to 'neck' a can of whatever.  It is pointless.  All we can see your bum AND your Stoopid.

Hey, Assorted People, 'necking' pints of repugnant alcoholic abominations, in quantities that very actually might kill you & then, doing a 'stunt' that might also do the same - is it worth it?
Would your Mummy be proud of you?

I don't really want to talk about this much more.
The subject matter is in danger of infecting me with its pointless vapidity.

Thursday, 6 February 2014

The Legend of Shep - International Travel, Forbidden Love &, finally, Healing

He is a sheep & his name is Shep.

His roots - Worthing, Sussex.

Sussex in England (in case there are others).

It was Summer when we met. The Summer of 1977.

We have not be separated since.

From 1977 till, I think it was 2003, we have never travelled without each other (apart from those 72 hours in Boston).

Even through the University Years with all HK-UK, UK-HK flights, Shep was my Tonto to his Ke-mo Sah-Be, in my hand luggage, jammed in with the green apples & chedder (standard in-flight sustenance of the period).

Many, MANY, were the eyebrows  raised at Hand Luggage Security Check at LHR.  I would, in return, raise my chin, meet them straight in the eye.

"Yes? I know", I would haughtily respond, "His name is Shep."

He was my Security Sheep but that wasn't all.

Shep even enhanced the attributes of the Window Seat (the Seat of Choice).

I digress for a second:
The Window Seat, affords One privacy and, instantly reduces, by 50%, the battleground for the inevitable elbow/arm-rest territorial combat.
An agonising scenario for the British, especially for those of the 'We Don't Like To Touch Strangers' variety.

I could jam Shep in the gap, up against the wall, and hey presto, snoozy-dribbly happiness.  PRIVATE snoozy-dribbly happiness.
If that one by the window had a Shep or equivalent,
see how much more comfy that picture would be?

Shep travelled with me to every student house I ever occupied.

Shep has been by my side in 3 hospital beds.

And, Shep has cruised.  An Alaskan cruise (yup, Shep made it all the way to Anchorage).

There was even a 72 Hour, Lost in Boston incident, of which he has never since spoken.

We shall never know what happened during that time but, let us not belittle the distress a certain 24 year old endured on the road to Kennebunkport when his absence was discovered.

Nor the joyful reunion.

Thank you, Housekeeping Team of Marriott, Boston 1993.


Things have not always been easy for Shep.

There were the tearful Teenage Years.
There were multiple 'Woe Is Me, We Should Listen To The Smiths Now' & 'My Life is a Nightmare cos' I am Missing the School Disco' incidences.

He weathered them, unscathed.

He also survived the Student Years, unharmed. Stronger for it, probably.

That which does not kill us ..... etc etc etc.  Ditto, me.

And then, Alan came into our lives.

This is Alan.

Alan had designs on Shep.

Carnal designs.

Unhealthy. Unnatural designs.

First time we noticed it, we said "oh sweet. Look, Alan is giving Shep a hug".

Alan was NOT giving Shep a hug.

Trousers said "Is he .....................?"

Me: "NO! God. Gross. Of course he isn't!"

Moments later.

Me: "OH!!!!! God!! Yes HE IS!!! Alan, stop it!!! Stop it, Alllllll-aaaaaaannnnnn, st-oppppppppppp!!!!"

So, what to do? We had to do what we could to keep them apart.

But, one day, Alan 'got' to Shep.

And this happened:
(WARNING: Those of a nervous or sensitive disposition, look away now)

Injuries incurred 
Yes. Alan literally sh**ged the stuffing out of Shep.  Shep was sh@gged to pieces.


But, all is not lost.

Take heart, Dear Reader.


Some years (& Alan too, in fact) have passed since The Great Unpleasantness

Alan did show greater restraint in his latter years.

But, sad to say, however, Shep never quite recovered.  And, I am ashamed that I never sought help for Shep.

Until today.

I should have done it sooner, granted.  Trousers IS a vet but ... I didn't.

Until today.


Thank you, Dear Colleagues.
We shall not forget your kindness & patience.

We ask for some privacy at this emotional time, while Shep and I process the trauma & dramatic developments of today.
We are confident that our future is bright & that one day, we will be able to travel together again. 


Together Again


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...