House at Pooh Corner

House at Pooh Corner
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Tuesday, 20 August 2013

A letter to Insomnia

Dear Insomnia,

Think you're funny, do you?

An hour & a half ago, my head was lolling & my eyes slow blinking - not sexy slow blinks, more the going, going ............ gone ones.


I'm calling time on the day.  My bed sings to me.  It is the Siren.  I am a Sailor. There are no rocks. (or are there?).

Shuffle round the house, shutting it down for the night.
Easy does it.
Noooooo sudden movements.
No jarring, rejuvenating thoughts.
Nice slooooooow theta brain waves only, please.

Get into bed.  Hi, Bed.  *snuggles down*
Hey, duvet. Helloooooo, pillows.
OK, team, we are in for a great night.

*Lights out*

Then ..............

I wonder if I need to tell The Kid where babies come from?
Should I have a mole map?

It continues .....

If I die, where should my ashes be scattered?
That arm I am lying on feels weird, where should I put it? Under the pillow? Do I lie on it? What DO I do with that arm?
My eyeballs feel weird too. What do my eyeballs do when I close my eyes.
Am I hungry?

And continues ......

What was that noise?
Maybe I should read?
Or listen to a podcast.
The bloody dog is taking up too much space.
If I go to sleep right now, I can still get 5 & half hours of sleep.
How will I tell the Kid where babies come from?
Is The Trousers still breathing?

You get the idea.

The thoughts, they start bouncing around in the dark.

And what is the quantum end result of my bonkers nocturnal nuttinesses bouncing off each other?  Sleep Acquisition in deficit, that's what.*

*SUBTITLES: no sleeping for Roo

I recently read Caitlin Moran referring to the Screaming Monkeys in her head.  "six million chattering monkeys of evil, screeching out each worry ever invented."

At night it seems my thoughts start jostling, squealing, scrummaging, like new born puppies, *wheeeeek, wheeeeeeeeeek* feet in ears, clawing blindly over each other to get to the front, some even heading off on a complete tangent & ending up sucking on the end of Mum's tail.

Screaming Monkeys are cooler. And scarier. I just get chaotic, noisy, wiggling pre-cute puppies.  I don't have cool insomnia.

By the way, sorry for bringing up the arm thing, I hope it doesn't keep you awake tonight.

If it does though, drop me a line. I'll take any suggestions as to what the hell to do with it


  1. I wonder if there is a way to upgrade insomnia, trade it in on a better model.

  2. Here's a test comment.


  3. Insomnia tries very hard to befriend me most nights :o( sympathise

  4. I have insomnia as well. My insomnia isn't cool either. For me its like that squiggle bubble over the heads of the characters of Charlie Brown. So many thoughts and no switch to turn them off!

    I've actually considered getting myself at least tipsy at night so perhaps I can fall asleep.

  5. its hard to deal with insomnia.. i tried a lot of different things so that i can sleep immediately, but the only thing that is very effective for me is that work very hard, get very tired and a relaxing yoga ;)

  6. I am also part of the insomniac club. People who can fall asleep in 5 minutes scare me a little bit . Are they alive? Do they have no thoughts? Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep faster,but it's when I get all my best thinking done...there are no interruptions!

  7. I hear you on the Window of Best Thinking!

    BTW, 3am, water suddenly pouring out of the AC - Gods of Insomnia, you are big fat meanies

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