House at Pooh Corner

House at Pooh Corner
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Friday, 11 April 2014

A Mystery in The Ladies

I have been using toilets for some time now.

Oh yes, I've used them all.

Foreign and Domestic. (Home - mine & at the homes of others)

On Aircraft. Trains, Restaurants (posh, smart casual and fast), Malls, Service Stations, Pubs, Clubs.

You get the idea.

Always the 'Ladies'.

Almost always, the 'Ladies'.

And one thing, one thing, remains constant and has remained a mystery.

The Queue.  

The queue in the 'Ladies' is invariably a substantial beast. And it is no friend of yours.

It snakes, It weaves its way, laboriously to the ultimate goal. Relief.  

Relief, because no one ever goes to a public lav unless they have to.

Everyone prefers to 'go' at home but, sometimes, in Life (& The Pub), things don't always go to plan & one of our great skills, HumanKind, is the ability to adapt.  

So, if you gotta go ...... You go.  

Now if you gotta go 'public', you are either bursting OR you are making a preemptive strike.  

If Urgency (see Bladder's Stretch Receptors on high alert, shrieking 'now, NOW you may have left it too late! I tried to tell you but, would you listen to me?!) is high, this particularly baffling phenomenon will not have escaped your notice.  

AND, if you don't reeeeeeeealllly need to be there but you are being sensible, you also, don't really want this to drag out for long. You don't really want to hang out here any longer than necessary.  

Whatever. Your Friends/Husband/Boyfriend/Whoever are waiting outside and People, we need to get on with this.  

And so, to get to the crux of my angst, I want to ask The Queue a question.  

In fact, more specifically, I want to ask the Ones in Front of me a question (next time, look back, look behind you, you may see my eyes asking of you that which they ask now) .........


WHY are you taking so frigging long in there when I can get in, and out in about 45 seconds!!!!!!!  

Granted, *AHEM* some things DO take a bit longer but MOST people are NOT doing THAT!  

So, pee already, flush & get out!!!!  

I am not dancing with excitement out here.

And some of us have a plane to catch.

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