House at Pooh Corner

House at Pooh Corner
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Saturday, 24 August 2013

Happiness Vampires

You knew didn't you?

You knew as soon as you thought about it, those 2 words, what I was talking about.

And, that person/people appeared to you (in your head, I mean).

Those Joy'sferatus.

Having discussed it with a few of my Non-Vampyric Friends, I know that I am not the only person who have made these sorts of acquaintances or has found themselves in this kind of 'friendship'.

Friendship, proper friendship, is about sharing.  
Sharing Experiences ie DOING things together.
Sharing Laughs, 
Sharing Thoughts, 

But it isn't all about the giggles, there are crappy times, crappy experiences.
We should share them too.

If you aren't prepared to share the shit then, let's not kid ourselves & call it a Friendship.

But, & here's the thing that is getting my, proverbial, goat, I think we all have come across someone who seems to only be interested in sharing their junk & has no interest in yours.

To them, your role is to make them feel better.  And, by the way, they won't even know they are doing it.

The Research - based on a lifetime's work.

In my studies, the Happiness Vampire can take 3 forms.

A) When they only want to talk about themselves. For hours. 
Sometimes it is all about how well they are doing with something OR, conversely, how worried they are about how well they are doing with whatever & your role is to blow smoke up their arse.  

This is a phrase that I hope, Sweet Reader, you understand is purely metaphorical.  This is obvious. No really it is.
B) When they only, ONLY, want to moan & bitch about how bad their life is. How hideous everyone is around them.  How everyone is out to get them. That sort of thing.  The proportion of Upbeat vs Miserable Arse ratio hovers around 10:90. All the time.

C) When they appear to be a really good caring friend & then, it turns out that they were only using you for something & then now you are no longer of use to them (for whatever arbitrary reason) you are ditched.  At best, ignored. At worst, bizarrely turned into The Enemy (see B)

Perhaps I have been unlucky but I suspect we've ALLLLL met one, some or all the above.

They don't even have be a Friend (with a capital 'F'), even acquaintances can bring you down with the moan, moan, moan or the insinuation that they are about to have a fight with the next person who they feel deserves it.


Definition: a Good Friend

When the bad times come, 'cos they do come, 'cos this is Life and, more's the pity not a hilarious rom-com - THEN is precisely when you need your mates to wrap you up in cotton wool, indulge you, stroke-y head, pat-y-hand, eat-y choccies together, get the kettle on, get wildly drunk etc etc.

The aim of a Good Friend, to which I think we would all like to strive, is to help.  If you happen to be in an OK place & someone you care about isn't, you must step in.

And you do it gladly.  Not because you have to but, because you really really want to.

Be there. Share. Care.


The Solution

BUT, when the There, Share & Care is a one-way street.  Then, that is bullshit and, if that is the case I will be charging a fee for all the listening, the joy-draining and the smoke thing.

I should also say that I find the permanently chirpy & happy, equally creepy & alarming. 


  1. I call them Dementors but we yes my love we have all had them in our lives - I realised this several years ago and actually called some of them up and said I was removing them from my phone/FB/life in general.. reactions went from shock/tears/total blame on it being my fault/slamming of phone - however my life continued I didn't miss one of them from it...

  2. Oh, yes, Sarah! I have called such people Dementors too, thanks to JK. LOVE this blog entry.

  3. You see!
    I knew I wasn't alone!!


  4. I seem to attract the happiness vampires...

  5. I attract them as well. I'm starting to really question if my former best friend was one. Finding good quality friends is like finding the needle in the haystack.



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