September = high humidity. In Dubai.
This will be my 9th September & frankly, familiarity is definitely breeding contempt.
As the years pass, the contempt rages out of control. It mounts, it builds. A forest fire of red-faced, ill-tempered sweatiness.
I hate you, September. You and your 85% humid conditions.
Perhaps the answer is to spend September lying flat on One's stomach, on the tiles. The dogs have got the right idea. School run & going outside, be damned, say I.
I wish.
Well........... unless anyone has a better idea, join me on the (9th) Annual Perspiration-athon, which is September in Dubai.
status: Sweaty
CAR JOURNEY
status: for 1st 5 mins, too hot to be sweaty. The sweat rivers accrued from House to Car evaporate off you, thanks to the oven hot temps inside that tin box. You are, for now, dry as a bone.
Key in ignition - instant facial desiccation by initial blast of hot dry air, direct from the centre of the earth, as you whack the AC up to MAX.
Steering - there may be some variation on this but anything up to the 1st 6 kms of your journey will be steered by your fingertips.
As the white hot heat of your steering wheel eases, now you are freezing from the sweat-sodden clothes sticking to you in the chilly interior of your car.
CAR TO HOUSE/WORK/SUPERMARKET
status: Immediately Sweaty, again.
And, now, your glasses (sun or seeing) have fogged over the millisecond as you opened the door.
You will now drop your phone, iPod, keys, everything, as you can see nothing.
TOP TIP: just take the glasses off & squint, the fog never clears as fast as you think it might.
Squinting as you dash indoors is not going to make much difference to those crows' feet, sweetie.
After all, you already have Face of a Mummy (see earlier facial desiccation) so, what the hell, in for a penny.
WORK/HOUSE
status - here you reach a comfortable equilibrium thanks to the earth-destroying AC that is, ironically, keeping you alive.
(we can talk about the panic that a malfunctioning AC causes later. People come together to help in a similar vein to Blitz-time London. But we haven't got any good songs. We should get some good 'Together We Stand When Your AC Fails' songs)
But, my Glowing Brothers & Sisters, screw your deodorant to its sticking place & take heart, for together, we head into the final push of the Dubai Summer.
Ahead lies the idyllic season known as ........*cue: choirs of cherubim & seraphim* ............. Winter in Dubai.
The jolly months of blue jeans & blue skies (if I was going to be a complete bitch about it I MIGHT moan about there not being enough clouds. I do love a fluffy white cloud.), sunshine and glorious temperatures hovering around the 20 - 28 degrees C mark.
26 degs Celsius, now there is a magic number.
When the mercury drops to 26, it is .............. Boot Time!!!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaay, permission to bust out the Uggs/Emus/or whatever floats your booty boat & get All. Over. The Boots Time.
Last winter I was booted from November till early May. True story.
I'm keeping my eye on you, September. Your days are numbered.
Don't let me down, Winter.
Bring on the boots.
This will be my 9th September & frankly, familiarity is definitely breeding contempt.
As the years pass, the contempt rages out of control. It mounts, it builds. A forest fire of red-faced, ill-tempered sweatiness.
I hate you, September. You and your 85% humid conditions.
Perhaps the answer is to spend September lying flat on One's stomach, on the tiles. The dogs have got the right idea. School run & going outside, be damned, say I.
I wish.
Well........... unless anyone has a better idea, join me on the (9th) Annual Perspiration-athon, which is September in Dubai.
Standard Sweat Schedule (SSS)
HOUSE TO CARstatus: Sweaty
CAR JOURNEY
status: for 1st 5 mins, too hot to be sweaty. The sweat rivers accrued from House to Car evaporate off you, thanks to the oven hot temps inside that tin box. You are, for now, dry as a bone.
Key in ignition - instant facial desiccation by initial blast of hot dry air, direct from the centre of the earth, as you whack the AC up to MAX.
Steering - there may be some variation on this but anything up to the 1st 6 kms of your journey will be steered by your fingertips.
As the white hot heat of your steering wheel eases, now you are freezing from the sweat-sodden clothes sticking to you in the chilly interior of your car.
CAR TO HOUSE/WORK/SUPERMARKET
status: Immediately Sweaty, again.
And, now, your glasses (sun or seeing) have fogged over the millisecond as you opened the door. You will now drop your phone, iPod, keys, everything, as you can see nothing.
TOP TIP: just take the glasses off & squint, the fog never clears as fast as you think it might.
Squinting as you dash indoors is not going to make much difference to those crows' feet, sweetie.
After all, you already have Face of a Mummy (see earlier facial desiccation) so, what the hell, in for a penny.
WORK/HOUSE
status - here you reach a comfortable equilibrium thanks to the earth-destroying AC that is, ironically, keeping you alive.
(we can talk about the panic that a malfunctioning AC causes later. People come together to help in a similar vein to Blitz-time London. But we haven't got any good songs. We should get some good 'Together We Stand When Your AC Fails' songs)
 |
| Not a patch (sorry) on the clammy heights One's pits are capable of reaching |
But, my Glowing Brothers & Sisters, screw your deodorant to its sticking place & take heart, for together, we head into the final push of the Dubai Summer.
Ahead lies the idyllic season known as ........*cue: choirs of cherubim & seraphim* ............. Winter in Dubai.
 |
| This. (apart from the windmill & acres of green meadow) |
The jolly months of blue jeans & blue skies (if I was going to be a complete bitch about it I MIGHT moan about there not being enough clouds. I do love a fluffy white cloud.), sunshine and glorious temperatures hovering around the 20 - 28 degrees C mark.
26 degs Celsius, now there is a magic number.
When the mercury drops to 26, it is .............. Boot Time!!!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaay, permission to bust out the Uggs/Emus/or whatever floats your booty boat & get All. Over. The Boots Time.
Last winter I was booted from November till early May. True story.
I'm keeping my eye on you, September. Your days are numbered.
Don't let me down, Winter.
Bring on the boots.
Amen to that. Bring on comfort, that would be "cool."
ReplyDeleteHumidity... You dare talk to us about humidity? I laugh in the face of your 85%. I pour buckets of scorn-sweat on your measly moisture miffedness.
ReplyDeleteTotally with you on the boot thing though, bring it on!
Love and pit-stains!
Today felt like that in Wisconsin, USA. We went from 60 F (15 C)last week to 100 F (38 C) and 89% humidity this week. Thankfully we dropped back down to 70 F (21 C) tonight.
ReplyDelete