House at Pooh Corner

House at Pooh Corner
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Thursday, 27 June 2013

I am the Elephant (wo)Man

Perhaps the lady in the pharmacy would approve?
(I was being a lady ninja, fyi)
Off we went, all together, to see Monsters University.
To celebrate the End (of the School Year).
It was sold out.

(none of this is relevant but I thought I'd set the scene)

On the way back to the car, we pop into a pharmacy for travel staples before our holiday. Paracetemol, that kind of thing.

A member of staff gave me a good look when we came in &, is now following me around the shop trying to attract my attention.

"Excuse me, madam."


"I want to show you our products. To help you.  You know, with your face. *points at my face*"

Tone was:

a) I'm so sorry for all that you have had to endure. This terrible affliction you have borne. Y'know, with your face & everything.
b) But it's all going to ok now, sweetie, 'cos I got a cream to sort it all out.  You need be a monster no more.

I have freckles.  Sun freckles. Some patches of hyper-pigmentation.  Some.

I don't love it & it has come with age (& not helped by 9 years of living in the desert) but, meh.

Slap a bit of BB Cream on it, feel a bit less self-conscious about it & off we go for some fun.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, Lady, if I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it. 
AND however, brave I may be sounding you are making feel like shite & really rather self-conscious. 

I mean, do my nearest & dearest have to fight waves of revulsion & nausea when I turn up?

she's STILL standing in front of me. 
Maybe she's waiting for me to collapse with relief that someone is able to relieve me of this freckly nightmare?

This lady knows the secret escape from the freckly 10th Circle of Dante's Inferno.

I respond  "Wow. How rude."

Trousers is sniggering cos I've told him this sort of thing happens.  He thought I was exaggerating. He can see the ridiculousness of the situation.  He thinks it is ludicrous, cos I'm gorgeous (blahblahblah)

"Yes," she says "very sorry.  It's over here."

"No thanks. I'm good."

"We have many things to help you, madam. Peels, masks, creams, face-lift products."

*OMFG, Lady, please. Stop.*


Should have asked her why she hadn't availed herself of those 'Make You 2 Feet Taller & Not So Fat' pills over there.

1 comment:

  1. Wait, where did she say the "Make You 2 Feet Taller & Not So Fat" pills are? Could you get a bottle for me?



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