"Parents, please educate your kids about adoption, so mine don't have to."
http://www.b_1711751.html
A brilliant article. Be great if you could glance at it.
In fairness to our family & friends (the lovely lovely people we choose to surround ourselves with) we have never felt uncomfortable or that any of you have ever looked at our family as being, oh I don't know, 'different'. Never.
We've all got too much laughing & fun times & supporting each other through the ups & downs of Life to be focusing on or to be fussed about that old news.
What I DO take exception to, is our family being used as a "Learning Opportunity" by people on the periphery. It HAS happened.
I don't, for a minute, think this was meant as insensitively as it felt & I will admit there IS every chance that I have a chip on my shoulder about this stuff BUT still, bear with me.
In this particular circumstance, it was clear that the mother had told her child he was going to meet an adopted child. They talked about that, THAT aspect of Him before they MET Him??!!!! And THAT's, frankly, what pissed me right off.
Of course, kids will notice there is a difference between how The Kid looks & how We look. But, y'know, I am a biobaby and I have 2 bio-parents who look completely different too. From me, from each other. 2 different races. Meh. These days it is nooooooo biggie.
I appreciate that actually a proactive step was taken to discuss the subject of adoption with their child. But, y'know, honestly, it really bothered me that by talking about it BEFORE our kids met, made it a thing their child focussed on as soon as he met Him.
We have no issue with people knowing (we can hardly hide it, so just as well) that our family came together via an adoption.
He WAS adopted.
He ISN'T adopted.
The adoption was a thing that happened more than 3 years ago. It is how our family came together. He & We are not defined by it.
He is our Kid.
We are his parents.
Oh & for your information:
*) We haven't done a 'wonderful thing' (any more than any of you who had biobabies have &, btw, no-one feels at liberty to enquire HOW your children were conceived so, wind your neck in).
*) He isn't lucky. We ALL are lucky (as you ALL are lucky) to have a happy healthy loving family.
As for 'do you know anything about his Real family?"
I suppose I need to get my response ready for this eventuality.
But, truly, I really don't feel like a fake mum.
:( sometimes, in an effort to be good parents and 'educators, people overdo it and don't think about the affects of their actions. they may be amazed to find, in most cases, kids that young don't even 'see' those differences, that we think they do.... There have been numerous studies to that affect. Agreed, that perhaps these discussions shld only occur if questions are raised AFTER the fact... :( this doesn't change the fact that you are blessed with a beautiful family, filled with lots of love, laughter, smiles and many many awesome memories made, and to come. great big hugs from across the miles.
ReplyDeleteGosh you really are on a rant ... my parents always told me I was special because I was adopted.. not sure they shared that view always however during my adolescent times and it may be a very old fashioned approach.. however it worked for us :). There is no hard or fast way of dealing with other children or parents - this is their issue - dont take on their ignorance just ensure you and yours are secure in the knowledge that it doesn't really matter how we arrived as a family - we just are one! As far as the questions re who am I and who are my family - my parents offered me all the documentation they had to look at and offered to help in the search as and when - I never took them up on the offer as I felt I was betraying their love but the fact they offered took all stigma off the search.
ReplyDelete